The 2023 State of the Union
We watched it so you didn't have to
Last week, President Joseph Robinette Biden fulfilled his Constitutional duty in addressing Congress and confirming the state of the union to the American people. The Commander in Chief spoke at length of the tragedy still occuring in Palestine, Ohio. He reiterated the need for modern infrastructure, unions to take the power out of the hands of the capitalist class, and most importantly to bring those responsible for this ecological disaster to justice. In reality he said and did none of those things.
The president took his time to greet and make small talk on his way to the podium, kissing cheeks, shaking hands, and saying “good to see you” ad nauseam. Chuck Schumer creepily shambled behind him, and right next to him was the Democrats’ current favorite sycophant, Hakeem Jeffries. This process took about six excruciating minutes. Kevin McCarthy then “presented” the president to Congress. Right from the jump, Biden seemed to be at peak energy, for whatever that’s worth. Before even getting started, now greeting people from the podium, Biden stammered through an attempt at a joke about Kamala Harris going to the Super Bowl while he couldn’t. Then, to laugh directly into our faces, Biden jokes to McCarthy, “I don’t want to ruin your reputation, but I’m looking forward to working with you.” Oh, the jokes about lame duck deadlocked governmental impotence always land, don’t they? Hakeem Jeffries then gets his moment to be the Democrats’ token Black leader of the party. Biden snuck in a snide “he won that election cause I campaigned for him.”
Once we get into things, the old rhetoric of American progress and perseverance starts us off and Biden doesn’t take long to claim the economy is on the rise and that Covid “no longer controls our lives.” Sure, but that’s because you continue to tell us it’s nothing to worry about.
After some talk about bipartisanship, the president touts some of the laws he’s passed, like burn pit legislation. This legislation is a step towards better serving veterans, but it’s too little too late for those who have been suffering without treatment covered by the country they fought for.
Eventually, Biden talks about how terrible things are, but how he’s made progress to “build from the bottom up, not the middle down,” and so on. CNN cuts to Bernie Sanders, the only person wearing a mask. Now we move on to Biden’s accomplishments and the start of his first catch phrase of the night: “finish the job.” “Where is it written that America can’t lead the world in manufacturing?” Well, Mr. President, it’s called capitalism. But you’ll talk more about that later.
Like butter, we cut right to Ukraine, where Biden brings up grain shortages caused by Putin. Is he suggesting a Holodomor? This is getting out of hand.
Inflation here is going down, falling every month, while take home pay is going up. This is a lie. More platitudes about hope, and Kamala Harris apparently providing capital for small businesses.
Here we go, semiconductors and chips, and lamenting about why we don’t produce anymore. Again, Biden doesn’t understand the capitalism he worships. He doesn’t skip a beat getting back to “America first” economic nationalism. This is where Joe debuts his “just getting started” theme. Next up is infrastructure. Transportation Secretary Pete, ignoring what’s actively happening in Palestine, Ohio in real time, gets up before Biden screams at us with an angry finger for being 13th in infrastructure. He touts their bill, but we all know there’s nothing there to fix our infrastructure problems in this country. I’ll give credit where it’s due: Biden was full of energy while he shouts about pride and projects that are going to fix bad pipes and stop brain damage.
Here’s where things get interesting: former Senator and Vice President Biden tells us that “the law of the land since 1943” has been to “buy American.” He then tells us to our face that our government has been BREAKING THE LAW by not doing just that. Former President Trump literally used the exact same rhetoric and nothing changed. Biden then tells us he gets that people feel forgotten and left behind. He just tells us that jobs are coming back and peoples’ pride is coming back. Empty platitudes, a classic. More Inflation Reduction Act promotion, while telling us just how little they’re actually doing.
Now we’re on to seniors, and how Medicare being able to negotiate for drugs is going to help save the government money. Very little about the people’s savings. Biden promises to veto anything that raises the price of prescription drugs. Another empty platitude unless a brave Republican dares call his bluff. Pivoting back to the economy, Biden continues to shove electric vehicles down the throats of the poor. Next, we’re reminded that it’s “time for wealthy corporations to pay their fair share. I’m a capitalist, but pay your fair share.” He then weakly said they should pay 15%, “less than a nurse pays,” he bellows, acknowledging how little this will do. Now he gets to brass tax: “Anybody earning less than $400K won’t pay more in taxes, not one penny.” This is INSANE. $400K is middle class?!?! Where? According to MSNBC, a liberal rag, “American households earning as little as $47,189 and up to $141,568 are technically in the middle class.” A real leader would be pushing for a 0% tax to anyone making less than $50K. Then Biden says, “We’re going to need oil for at least another decade,” which is met by uproarious laughter from the Republicans in the room. “Corporations should do the right thing,” capitalist president Joe Biden says, before telling us he’s forcing them to. He tells us he’s “cracking down on wealthy tax cheats,” and again CNN kills it with a cut to Joe Manchin this time.
Later than expected, the Republicans start angrily heckling Biden as he claims Trump spent more money than any president ever. Biden then accuses “some republicans” of wanting to let Medicare sunset, or expire. This ENRAGES Marjorie Taylor Greene, who heckles him loudly and shouts “Liar!” Palace intrigue at its finest. Biden ends this bit by asking both parties to agree to not ending Social Security and Medicare, and they all applaud on both sides of the aisle. Magnificent. After some rambling about expanding safety nets, which won’t happen, Biden delivers his classic “capitalism without competition is exploitation.” So close, just need to trim two words out! After talking about capitalism, Biden tells us how the government is stepping in to stop all the ways we’re getting screwed by “junk fees.” He says this without ever recognizing the root causes of how these things came to be. Then, typical bourgeois, he jokes about how some places advertised as resorts “aren’t even resorts,” met with neoliberal laughs. All of these things are performative acts that do nothing to get to the rotten core of capitalism's apple. This is patchwork reform to repair the damage done by a free market. Biden then feigns ignorance about NDAs. To quote the man, “c’mon Jack!” He then uses the example of a burger chef not being able to go from McDonalds to another fast food burger joint across the street. Jesus, these anecdotes show how far from the pulse these people are. Then, he shouts “pass the PRO act” because “workers have a right to organize.” This you, Joe? All of this economic nonsense is another example of Democrats trying to patch up the free market while allowing it to continue running through our lives like a cancer.
Biden then claims that the rest of the world has “caught up” in education and hence are catching up economically. He then pushes for more preschools and more colleges, both unaffordable for anyone in the ever bloated “middle-class” and impossible for those below the poverty line.
Then we’re reminded that we’ve “broken the COVID grip on us,” and that we’ll soon “end the public health emergency.” This is nonsense. This virus is still ravaging our streets and hospitals but nobody wants to report and react because of the importance of laborers laboring for capitalist profits.
Biden quickly pivots to holding those that abused PPP loans accountable. He then starts yelling about cracking down on “criminal syndicates.” Again, what? Congress is a criminal syndicate by definition.
At 72 minutes, Biden points our attention to the parents of Tyree Nichols, and parrots the media narrative about his murder. He even talks about Black parents and “the talk,” as if he has any idea what he’s talking about. Then, in under three minutes he says “just as everyone with a badge deserves to be able to go home at night, so does everyone else.” From here, he goes on and on about paying cops more and training more of them to somehow make things safer. The entire congress gives the most unified standing ovation of the night to this rhetoric in front of the still grieving family. Throughout this piece, he called Tyree “Tyler” and “Memphis.” I’m sick to my stomach.
Then, a seamless transition to gun control laws. More performative actions, and capped off by showing off a young man who took down a gunman who had killed 11 people before he got to him. The young man, Brandon, was seated next to Bono, because of course. This was followed by “Ban assault weapons now,” explaining Bono’s presence. Biden then says in 1994 they signed a successful bill that made a difference. This is likely a reference to the Public Safety and Recreational Firearms Use Protection Act, more commonly known as the Federal Assault Weapons Ban.
Next up, fentanyl, and the border, together! Because immigrants must be the problem. More pathway to citizenship nonsense that Dems have been promising but not delivering for my entire life. Quickly this moves to Roe v Wade, and how he’s doing everything he can but Congress needs to act. Big words with the knowledge that he can’t do a damn thing. His only weapon, which he proudly boasted, is to veto any bill banning abortion.
More fear mongering and lies about IP theft and China being a military threat to the United States. It’s the same old rhetoric. Then, with a straight face, Biden actually used the balloon as an example of protecting American sovereignty. “Name me one leader that would trade places with Xi Jinping?” This was some demented rambling from an always-been war hawk.
Now we’re on to burn pits, and Biden leans in to push his bills to increase funding and availability for treatment. From here we pivot to fentanyl and a sob story about a family and their daughter. Fentanyl is apparently killing more than 70,000 people a year. Republicans yelled “China,” “More,” and “your fault!” at the president. All this while pretending Covid is over and not killing more than this per year. Next, he targets social media companies for “experimenting on children for profit.” This man is unwell. This quickly turns into banning the collection of personal data. This isn’t going to please supporters of a “free market.”
We’re clearly running out of topics, so Biden turns to supporting veterans when they return from combat. “No one should be homeless in America. Especially someone that’s served their country.” This is nothing but empty platitudes, and a further insult to the non-veteran homeless masses living in the streets. Always has been.
Now we’re talking about cancer, and Biden gets sentimental, but makes sure to fumble over “eight rounds of keno.” This is the same empty promise he campaigned on - nothing has changed.
To wrap things up, we get a shoutout to Paul Pelosi! Have y’all seen the video? This is such a gross waste of time and resources and this drunken thief and his wife should not be celebrated. Law and order, end to hate and violence, yada yada yada. Biden then says, “we’re the only nation based on an idea,” insulting every other sovereign nation throughout history. Typical. Unsurprisingly, the state of the union is defined as “strong” by the sitting president. So it goes.